Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Suri Cruise Does NOT Shop at Target

Sometimes I read the news and get so agitated that my brains turn to goo and shoot out of my ears with the force of Old Faithful. Generally this happens with political news stories – like when someone comes up with an actual dollar amount for the wars going on right now or anytime Pat Robertson opens his hateful hole and spews ignorance.

So imagine my surprise when an entertainment story on – featured in “The Scoop” no less – was what set me off this morning. Specifically a post titled “Little Suri Cruise Carries $850 Handbag.”

Seriously. A handbag that costs EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS. For a three year old.

That’s the purse in the picture above. The teeny, ugly, sparkly thing peeking over Tom’s shoulder that’s no bigger than the wallet I shove in Evan’s diaper bag when we leave the house. Although it has to be said, it looks much larger when her father carries it.

Bada-bing. Rim shot!

I didn’t go insane because it’s a small, stupid-looking purse. It’s the dollar figure that bothered me. If you added up what I’ve spent on purses in my lifetime and multiplied it by 10 I don’t think you’d hit the $850 mark. Most of my handbags come from Target and even then I get the shakes if the price tag is over 20 bucks.

I understand that many women – probably MOST women – expect to pay quite a lot for a purse. Some of my own friends carry pretty pricey bags and I don’t hold it against them. But let’s not forget this is for a THREE YEAR OLD. To let your three year old carry an $850 purse in public is as good as shouting, “Look, you dumb people with low-paying jobs who are struggling in this economy to put food on your tables! We have become so rich on the cash YOU have spent on our movies that we can let our toddler run around with ridiculously expensive accessories. She’ll probably drop it on the street but that’s okay – we’ll just buy her another one. Maybe a more expensive one. You know why? Because we can. Also, I am a complete asshole who hasn’t had a decent movie since Top Gun!”

Because you KNOW it’s Tom picking out those purses. And the sparkly, high-heeled shoes that kid trots around in.

And while we’re on the subject, if I see those two idiots letting their kid prance down the streets of New York, IN WINTER, without a coat one more time I swear I’m calling social services. What’s even worse is when they swaddle her in a blanket and carry her around as if they’re just now bringing their newborn home from the hospital. Tom needs to negotiate a new baby into his unholy contract with Katie and let little Suri grow the hell up.

Swaddled blankets one day. Lipstick and heels the next. Happy medium, anyone?

The article goes on to explain that Suri’s purse is a smaller version of her mother’s, which cost a whopping $1,850. I think that’s where Tom makes Katie carry her self-respect, tucked safely away out of the public eye.

Listen, I didn’t start writing this post just to make fun of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. (That was an unexpected, immensely entertaining bonus.) My point is that in this day and age when people are struggling to keep roofs over their heads – literally – it’s a bit much to let your child’s accessories make such an incredibly ostentatious statement. When I think of the difference $850 would make in the average person’s life it makes my head spin.

Although it’s sad to say, if the headline was “Cruise Family Donates to Homeless Shelter” the story probably wouldn’t have seen the light of day.


Unknown Mami said...

You are friggin' hilarious!!! And so right.

Thank you for visiting on my SITs day, you made me feel as special as Suri carrying an $850 purse. Well, maybe not that special, but pretty special.

HansShinta said...

I can't agree with you more! It is not a bit's way too much to let a 3 year old bring such an expensive purse. Some parents need to be educated!
Happy Saturday Sharefest, by the way =) Come visit my blog too. It's a wedding blog, but you might enjoy reading our love story. =)

Suzanne Westover said...

Hi Cindy!

I found you as I roamed around that wonderful resource SITS for he very first time today! I love your writing style (um, maybe because it's a lot like mine??!!) Anyway, I totally agree. Did you hear about how Brad Pitt spent $200,000 + on a hamster house?!
Anyway, look forward to checking in again soon.


Acting Balanced Mom said...

guess I was a day late and a dollar short waiting for the daily I read to pick up the story ... great rant! Thanks for stopping by my blog :)


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