Sunday, February 7, 2010

Superbowl Predictions


As a girl growing up in a houseful of boys I know a decent amount about football. I totally “get” the game and although there are still a few obscure rules I can’t quite wrap my brain around (Pass interference? Aren’t you supposed to keep them from catching the ball?), I have a pretty good grasp how football is played.

With a husband and four boys of my own, the testosterone level festering around me has only increased since childhood. Joe has always been a sports nut and can spend entire Sundays camped out watching football, heating up the remote flipping from game to game. Now that the boys are old enough to follow along, there are usually several bodies parked in the family room yelling at the TV, questioning the integrity of the refs, and even yelling at each other (you are blind, he was totally inbounds!).

(Sidenote: Joe and I have argued for years about play action passes. I call them “fakes” and he gets mad because apparently a fake is a totally different play. I say if the QB secretly hands the ball to another player and pretends he still has it, that’s pretty much the definition of faking it. I can see them calling it a "flim-flam play" or a "gotcha", maybe even "shenanigans" but a "play action pass"? Really? This is always the point when Joe rolls his eyes and gives up.)

Yeah, like Joe has any idea when someone is faking anyway. (Woohoo! Rim shot!)

If the average weekly game causes excitement, you can only imagine the ruckus that ensues on Superbowl Sunday. The game is the big draw, but commercials that primarily feature women and beer make my herd of men absolutely swoon. With so much entertainment during game time and the breaks in between, there’s never a good time to go the bathroom so in addition to the yelling, there’s usually a lot of panicked dancing around too.

I like the game and I like the commercials but my favorite part of football are the players’ backgrounds and off-the-field antics. This ranges from touching stories such as Kurt Warner going from the supermarket to the Superbowl on one end to the absurdity of Plaxico Buress shooting himself in the leg on the other. You just can’t make this stuff up.

So I’ll leave the official odds-making to the experts, who will totally over-analyze each statistic and probably be wrong on the outcome anyway, and instead use a different set of criteria to come up with the deserving winners this Sunday.

Quarterbacks

Colts: Oh Peyton Manning, how I love you. If there was a poster boy for American quarterbacks, Peyton would be it. He's well-spoken, you never hear of any scandals revolving around him and every commercial he’s ever been in has made me giggle (especially the ones with Eli).

Saints: Drew Brees is a classic pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of hero. He believed in himself when not many others did, and after the Saints gave him a chance, he thanked them by leading their team to the top.

Advantage: Saints. Peyton already has a Superbowl ring and I have to admire how Drew rocks that crazy birthmark.

Supporting Players

Colts: When Hank Baskett was released by Philadelphia right after he moved to PA and set up house, he rebounded by landing on a Superbowl-bound team in Indianapolis. I know this because his wife, former Playmate Kendra Wilkinson bitched about it on her reality show. And how cute that their new baby boy’s first football game will be watching his daddy at the Superbowl?

Saints: I don’t know that much about Reggie Bush, but he’s an awesome player and anyone who can put up with Kim Kardashian’s craziness has to be a pretty strong man.

Advantage: Colts. Hank Baskett is just a nice guy and he made me cry at his absolute joy when his son was born (good thing it was televised, huh?). And I just have to question Reggie’s judgement for dating the most annoying member of the Kardashian family (and that’s really saying something).

Coaches

Colts: Jim Caldwell

Saints: Shawn Peyton

Advantage: Saints. I have to admit, I know nothing about either of these guys other than the fact that every time they put the camera on Caldwell he’s staring straight ahead as if totally devoid of a soul.

Cities

Colts: Indianapolis is fairly close in proximity to our hometown and since it’s pretty much guaranteed we’ll never been rooting for the Lions in a Superbowl, Indy might be as close as we ever come.

Saints: The only way an area could get more sympathy is if Haiti fielded a team. New Orleans is just getting back on its feet and a Superbowl win would be some nice frosting on the cake.

Advantage: Saints. The Colts already have a Superbowl win and they don’t need to be greedy.

Winner

Saints. If Peyton Manning had a facial flaw to overcome, if their coach had a personality and if their city was at all interesting, the Colts may have had a chance. As I write this Indianapolis is favored to win and is up by 7 and New Orleans just “pooped their pants” (Joe’s colorful term) when they went for goal on a fourth down.

I’m not saying New Orleans will definitely win. I’m just saying they should.



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