Sometime last summer Joe and I came to the realization that this sweet little work-part-time-from-home gig I’ve had going on for the past several years wasn’t so much getting the job done fiscally.
I think it was around the time we started looking on Craigslist to find out how much gypsies actually pay for children.
It’s funny because it’s true.
Call me crazy, but I seriously didn’t think I would have any trouble getting a job, even though everyone else in the freaking country seems to be unemployed. You know those people who look around at a global phenomenon and think “that will NEVER happen to me” even though it’s happening to EVERYONE? Yeah, turns out I’m not any smarter than any of those idiots. Because it took (and this is exact because I checked my files) six and a half months, 19 resume submissions and three interviews to finally get a job.
But find one I did! I got the call last Thursday that I had been “chosen for the position” and promptly lost my mind. Instead of saying, “I accept your offer and I sincerely thank you for the opportunity,” I actually said (not making this up): “Yahooooooooooooooo! That’s awesome!” To which my about-to-be boss replied, (after an uncomfortable pause): “Uh, is that a yes?”
Yes, yes it is.
I immediately launched into a happy dance that was sooo crazy it actually threw out my lower back and caused Evan’s eyebrows to raise. Yes, my 13-month-old son looked at me as if I were insane. He judged me, Internets. Who the heck taught him THAT?
So anyway, beginning March 8, I will be an administrative assistant in charge of marketing at a children’s speech therapy center. Among many other duties, I will be responsible for managing their website and updating their social networking accounts.
So, you want to hire me to mess around all day on Twitter and Facebook? Uh, yes please. What’s that? You’re going to PAY me to do it? (Klunk) That’s me falling over dead in sheer glee.
But….(wait for it!) there is a HUGE caveat. The job is full-time, in the office, about 45 minutes away from home (one-way). This will, without a doubt, change our family's lifestyle in every single way we can think of.
I worked full-time for 12 years while raising our three oldest boys. They went to daycare and I don’t give a rat’s butt what the media says to make me feel otherwise, I KNOW it was the right thing for us. Our boys are incredibly social and smart and it's a fact that daycare had a lot to do with that.
Plus, they potty trained all three for us. I’ve been FREAKING out thinking of having to potty train Evan by myself. What kind of craziness is THAT?! I seriously don’t think I would know the first thing about potty training a kid, other than pointing to the toilet and saying, “do it there”.
And this time it will be my mom – Evan’s beloved Nana – who will be doing the heavy lifting (and she will absolutely ROCK at the job) so it’s not even a matter of handing him off to strangers. The problem is this: Cam, Jerame and Brandon were just a few months old when I went back to work and they had NO idea what the heck was going on. Evan is almost 13 months old and I’m pretty sure at this point he could explain quantum physics to me because he doesn’t miss anything.
How heartbreaking is this: Since I was notified that I got the job Evan has been ALL OVER ME. He toddles up and hugs my butt when I’m on the computer. When we snuggle he grabs my face and kisses me. It’s like he KNOWS he’s about to be left because lately he’s been the most darling, snuggly, lovey baby you can imagine.
(Except for this morning. He was a little shit this morning, but I’m pretty sure that was a one-off.)
Add to my mommy guilt the fact that spring sports are about to begin and our schedule will become caaa-razy. The three older boys each have a minimum of two practices a week for their various sports (all on different nights of course) and games all weekend. And since there’s a bit of a commute involved in my new job, I won’t make it home until almost 6:30 p.m.
Thank God I sleep with the coach of two of their teams or I would really be up the proverbial creek.
But it will all work out. Know why? Because it HAS to. We have no other choice. I HAVE to go back to work full-time and to tell you the truth, I am apprehensive but also insane excited.
I love the “paycheck” I get from being a work-from-home mom – lots of time with my kids, the ability to spend tons of time at their school, the feeling that I’m on top of everything that’s going on – but I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be nice to get kudos from someone who isn’t relying on me for food, shelter and love. And it will be FANTASTIC to have actual adults to speak with during the day!
Sudden, horrifying thought: What if I smell something funny in the office and without thinking ask my boss if she made a stinky in her pooper? Or if a coworker’s hair is sticking up and I use the incredible strength of mommy spit to flatten it down? OMG, y’all, I would DIE.
That’s really not likely to happen, right? I guess I’ll have another week to obsess about it, and all the other points I’ve outlined here. But on the other hand I’ll also have another whole week to look at this all day: